I can't remember the last time when our house is tidy enough so people can come visit. I also can't remember the day when I last see the floor. I am exasperated by the questions from my husband: how did the housework go today? I don't ask him about his work everyday.
The feminist in me just wants to scream when he asked me about housework. Everyday, I would get up and wrangle the kids when he lies in bed, still asleep or reading the news on his mobile. He doesn't even get up when it's time to go to work. It's freezing. The fire isn't on. I have learned to ask for help, but what I really want to do is for him to help without me asking.
I don't know who said that women must do all the housework. I don't have a job, but it is my "choice" to be a stay-at-home mum. My family needs me. I need to run errands when my husband is working full time. No big deal, right? Wrong. The crux of the problem is he isn't here during the day. He doesn't have to wrangle the kids, put the dishes in the dishwasher, or wash all the clothes. It's laughable when he came to me and said that he's done most of the dishes. He asked me to finish up the dishes for him. You cannot "finish" washing the dishes, my dear, dishes just keep appearing. They appear on your desk after dinner. They hide in the kid's bedroom under a pile of homework. They are stacked high in the bookshelf. I used to think that being a housewife is a breeze, but I was wrong. There is no end in sight. Just like the washing. He would announce that there's no socks for him to wear tomorrow. Woe for him. I told him that if you don't put the socks in the laundry, or indeed, the laundry machine, and put laundry powder in it, don't expect that they will be washed. They aren't going to magically clean themselves when they are under the bed, or still sitting in your shoes. I also don't know where your shoes are.
I have given up on cleaning the house. There's no joy in it because it is constantly getting dirty. However, the kids are happy and healthy. I am not worried about cleaning the house. I am playing with them, painting, laughing at funny videos, and watching them jump up and down on the bed. My priority is not cleaning the house or do housework. My job is be there for them and ride the happy roller coaster with them. After all, I am their mum as well. I don't make money, but that doesn't mean that I am not working. I work so hard that I had to take naps sometimes. Husband thinks I sleep all day and sit on the sofa watching TV as well. I hope I was, because I certainly don't feel relaxed at all. All I want to do is to have a holiday, but mums don't have holidays. I imagine sitting on the beach reading my favourite book and sipping Coke Zero. There are a lot of clouds in the sky because I don't want to get sunburnt. There's a breeze, and no one is asking me whether I've done any housework today or not.
I ask myself what to do in this situation. I don't think he can do all the housework, wrangle the kids, and make money. I can't even cope without going to work, how can he?
His mum is obsessed with cleaning. I understand why though. Her kids have left home. What else can she do apart from cleaning the house? Maybe I should ask her to come and clean my house, and spend some time with the kids so I can have a holiday.
It's not that I hate cleaning. In fact, before I got married, I was the one who vacuumed the house, keep everything in good order. I am organised and I used to work. I believe that my career was going nowhere. I quit a job that was making me feel depressed. I am happy about my career as a mum now, but I am not happy that I am a housewife. My job is thankless, invisible, and hardly ever appreciated. I will take a photo after I clean my house, I promise, but I don't want it to be tidy. I want it to be messy and full of laughter. I want it to be filled with happiness. I want to hear the kids sing. I want to.........maybe that is what I should capture with my camera and not worry about what other people say when they visit or see my photos. If I can let it go, and show everyone the adventure I go through everyday, perhaps I will be happier. That is what I will do.
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