It's been a while and I am back

I haven't been blogging for so long that this activity seems to be so foreign to me now. My baby girl is nine months old. I have changed so much as a woman that I don't think I know myself anymore. I am slowly regaining my formal identity, however, I don't think I will ever be the same. Being a mother is never easy, but I often find times to smile and laugh with my daughter even though the situation is so difficult. For example, one day, she put her hand in a tub of Fatty Cream that I was trying to put on her, I couldn't help but laugh at the situation before cleaning her hand up. Her hand was covered with white Fatty Cream, and maybe she was just curious about the substance that I put on her everyday. She has eczema, and is allergic to certain foods, but she's a very happy baby. We still hang out together during the day, breastfeeding, eating increasingly chunky food around noon time, and taking strolls together under the sun. The weather is improving everyday even though this week we had dreadful rain. I've bought some flowers to add colours to our neglected garden. I haven't really planted anything new in the vegetable garden this year because I know I won't have time to take care of them. I hope that the flowers in the pots will survive my neglect, and hopefully, I will remember to water them now and again. I'm coping better now, cooking more dinners every week. It's still very hard for me to stay awake in the afternoon before dinner time. She doesn't need to sleep so much during the day now. I will have to change my routine again. Christmas is near. I've been very stressed about it lately, and it's just not worth stressing about, really. I've done all I can for it now, so I will leave it and take a more relaxed approach. I have some issues with my husband's family, and I will have to deal with those issues in my own time. It's hard to be happy when I can't resolve the issues in my mind, and these things have nothing to do with them, it's what I perceive to be wrong. I just can't be the perfect daughter-in-law or sister-in-law. I don't know why I try to be, but that's just how I am, I guess. I have been trying to bake and make some dessert since my diet is too restricting at the moment. It's not easy to cook without butter, cream, egg, bananas, peanuts and most other Tree Nuts. I will soldier on, but sometimes, I just hope this will end. I just want the days when I could eat everything to come back, but it won't. I will keep going regardless, though. I have been working so hard and come so far. It's nice that the weather is improving. I feel so much better now. It's also good that my body is healing well, and almost everything is healed and back to normal now. Women do have expectations, and after your gave birth, those expectations are way too high and we expect many things to get back to normal almost immediately. It's not the case with me. I expect to feel different and look different, but not like this. Sometimes, I hate the way I feel because I know I am not supposed to feel so sad. I feel much happier now that most of my health problems are gone, or close to be resolved. Another good news is that my sister is feeling much better. It has been a difficult year for her as well. 2012 is a year full of up and downs. I look forward to 2013 and what it will bring to my family. I am sure no matter what happens, it will be better than what happened this year.