It's been a while and I am back

I haven't been blogging for so long that this activity seems to be so foreign to me now. My baby girl is nine months old. I have changed so much as a woman that I don't think I know myself anymore. I am slowly regaining my formal identity, however, I don't think I will ever be the same. Being a mother is never easy, but I often find times to smile and laugh with my daughter even though the situation is so difficult. For example, one day, she put her hand in a tub of Fatty Cream that I was trying to put on her, I couldn't help but laugh at the situation before cleaning her hand up. Her hand was covered with white Fatty Cream, and maybe she was just curious about the substance that I put on her everyday. She has eczema, and is allergic to certain foods, but she's a very happy baby. We still hang out together during the day, breastfeeding, eating increasingly chunky food around noon time, and taking strolls together under the sun. The weather is improving everyday even though this week we had dreadful rain. I've bought some flowers to add colours to our neglected garden. I haven't really planted anything new in the vegetable garden this year because I know I won't have time to take care of them. I hope that the flowers in the pots will survive my neglect, and hopefully, I will remember to water them now and again. I'm coping better now, cooking more dinners every week. It's still very hard for me to stay awake in the afternoon before dinner time. She doesn't need to sleep so much during the day now. I will have to change my routine again. Christmas is near. I've been very stressed about it lately, and it's just not worth stressing about, really. I've done all I can for it now, so I will leave it and take a more relaxed approach. I have some issues with my husband's family, and I will have to deal with those issues in my own time. It's hard to be happy when I can't resolve the issues in my mind, and these things have nothing to do with them, it's what I perceive to be wrong. I just can't be the perfect daughter-in-law or sister-in-law. I don't know why I try to be, but that's just how I am, I guess. I have been trying to bake and make some dessert since my diet is too restricting at the moment. It's not easy to cook without butter, cream, egg, bananas, peanuts and most other Tree Nuts. I will soldier on, but sometimes, I just hope this will end. I just want the days when I could eat everything to come back, but it won't. I will keep going regardless, though. I have been working so hard and come so far. It's nice that the weather is improving. I feel so much better now. It's also good that my body is healing well, and almost everything is healed and back to normal now. Women do have expectations, and after your gave birth, those expectations are way too high and we expect many things to get back to normal almost immediately. It's not the case with me. I expect to feel different and look different, but not like this. Sometimes, I hate the way I feel because I know I am not supposed to feel so sad. I feel much happier now that most of my health problems are gone, or close to be resolved. Another good news is that my sister is feeling much better. It has been a difficult year for her as well. 2012 is a year full of up and downs. I look forward to 2013 and what it will bring to my family. I am sure no matter what happens, it will be better than what happened this year.

The last few weeks of pregnancy

I had Braxon Hicks contractions for the last two nights in a row now. It was pretty bad last night, most of the contractions were painful and lasted longer than the previous night. However, we are pretty prepared for labour and baby now so there's not much to worry about.
We were pretty busy this weekend. I went to Thai International Dinner and we sent away one of our friend to Wellington. It's hard to see our friend go, and this girl is so bubbly. We will have to take a road trip to see her and also see Wellington some time. My sister is also having a busy weekend, going to the Thai dinner with me and a BBQ get together on Saturday, a ball in Auckland on Saturday night, which she didn't attend because she was too tired from the sport/BBQ event on the same day. One of the guys from BBQ was taking photos of her and complimented her short pants! It was good to be complimented by a guy and I am sure she had a nice time there.
I tidied the living room and packed the family papers into the filing cabinet. When I say papers, I meant mostly bank statements lying around in the living room. I also put the business papers on the desk in the shop room. I haven't made the final payment for business visa this month so I won't pack everything away yet. There's also GST for last month to do, and I think I will do it this week when I have time. I better get it done sooner rather than later, because we don't know when the baby will come. I don't think I will be able to do it after the baby is here since I will be super busy.
We've also changed the living around a bit. There will be a play area/rumpus behind the sofa. I moved the sofa closer to the TV so we don't have to squint at the screen. See, instant bigger TV! Genius. I also plan to play my cello or sew behind the sofa, and the Foosball table can be used again now there's some space. I am very happy about this development.
I also told husband that he can claim back his half of the wardrobe in our bedroom, which he did promptly last night. He couldn't find his clothes this morning because all of them have changed address! So funny. I asked him to put my winter coats and winter tops into the other closet in the shop. That closet is now full of clothes and I also put the picnic bag on the top shelf in there.
There's still DVD games and computer parts in the closet in the baby's room. They will have to go somewhere somehow. I planned to put the DVD on the bookshelves in the living room, and I don't know where to store the computer parts. Maybe put them in the garage? Or dump them? I will have to ask him.
The weather is still pretty great in the morning, apparently it will rain the rest of the week! Cripes. We have already done so many loads of washing during the weekend, I don't think I will continue this morning. However, I might put on another load this week some time and may have to use the garage to hang the clothes up if the weather is going to turn to custard.
I plan to take a walk in the mall again today. I also hope that my daily contraction routine will go better tonight. Now I know it's not real labour, I feel much better. But somehow, I wish that I don't have to go through any more of these because they really aren't rewarding like real labour!